Now then, let me begin this indulgence with something quite nice and very appropriate. I strongly recommend that unless you are mature and/or or 18 and over that you stop at this point and do not continue. Even if you are one, or even both, you may not want to continue anyway...

I went to the mall because I felt an impulsive urge. It wouldn't let me loose and it held me down until I succumbed. Once there I couldn't think of anything to do other that walk around and see what was calling me there.

I was there for about an hour before the urge to be there died completely by my rising contempt for the people around me. I was walking out and headed towards my regular parking spot. That's when I saw the entire reason why I had come.

I stood a few feet from my car on the open pavement-blocking the path for cars that weren't coming. I stared openly at her. Boldly. My face stern and solid, my eyes anchored. She was getting out of her car and getting ready to enter the mall. By the look on her face she didn't want to be there any more than I did.

She looked up after locking the door and saw me staring. I didn't change my expression, but she did change hers. Her head tilted to the side and she took me in, staring at me just as plainly as I was staring at her. Her eyes seemed to be asking a question.. like, "Who is he? Is he staring at me?" Typical questions, easy to predict.

I flashed her a smile that lacked expression. I made it obvious that it was an empty smile, and if she was anything like me she would pick up that small fact.

She glared at me! She walked towards me keeping that glare while I stood there still staring and presently expressionless. In a quick moment she was standing in front of me and she spoke, "Don't give me that damn empty smile. It doesn't mean anything and you know it."

Not only did she pick up on it, but she felt insulted by it. I felt very pleased and a truly sincere smile spread across my face. This, though, she could not read. Her eyes again offering that questioning glance.

"Come to my house tonight," I replied, that smile still worn. It wasn't a command. It certainly wasn't a question. It was just a statement that could be deflected with ease.

She was perplexed; her features were contorted in confusion. She was so used to walking up to "people like me" and being blunt about them and their demeanor. She was so amazed that she couldn't read me like she initially thought.

"Sure..." The voice was shaky and it seemed like she hardly even aware that she had agreed.

I went to my car and got a pen and piece out of my backpack-I always keep it in the car. I scribbled down directions to my house. If she didn't know exactly where to begin with the directions-I didn't write down any street names or my address, just turn here, turn there, etc-then I was sure that she would have enough sense to figure it out. They were clear enough.

I left the address in her hand and watched her walk off. She thought of turning around and ripping up the paper because she knew I was watching her. I could tell because she almost did, but hesitation gave her second thought. She didn't turn around, she was afraid that if she did that I wouldn't be there. I heard her curse herself for being so "gullible for everything she hates." I had a quick chuckle before I left for home.

I was thinking that she was going to come over around eight or so. She got here at about 8:37. A pleasant thirty minute surprise. I doubt that she had any trouble getting here. I just think that she was questioning if she really should come or not.

Neither of us changed clothes. She smiled to me as I let her in; it wasn't meaningless, just uncertain. I decided to leave it alone, she was having enough trouble just being here. I led her to my room without so much as a hello and closed the door behind us.

I took a seat on my bed, allowing her to take the chair. We talked for a long time about all the things we have observed concerning life and society and nature. The topics were endless and there was not a single word offered in the name of mindless chatter. It was truly beautiful and amazing. We shared so much.

"I lay around in the sun a lot. It doesn't matter if it's cold or hot, it just feels good to feel the sun warm you down to the core. It's amazing how rare that is, do you do it?" I couldn't help but smile as broad as my lips would allow. I didn't answer her with words, though, the smile was more than enough confirmation.

"Honesty is such a difficult subject to approach. I don't enjoy hurting feelings, but I feel I owe people the truth. Even though it's so brutal sometimes, I don't lie unless it is truly insignificant...."

"I know exactly what you mean." My tone spoke for itself. I followed the same code. "And including that philosophy," I continued, "I have a secret to tell you."

I spoke to her of my personal defection and was very pleased that she shared it. I wondered if she was lying just because she didn't care, but realized she was being honest. I wondered, then, if she had more defections than I suffered from.

"No, just that and only that. An unfortunate incident, but I don't really regret it." Quite apparently I was not the only one capable of reading expressions.

We sat there after that, simply staring at each other like we were in the parking lot earlier. We must have sat there silent for about 5 minutes straight before she got onto her feet..

I thought for just a split second that she was about to leave.. then she leaned in to kiss me and I knew exactly how the night was going to end up. Her hands on my knees to support her, her face leaning in while her eyes slowly closed.. I turned my face and she kissed my cheek with lips as soft as silk.

"Why?" Her whisper rang in my ear..

"I know where this will lead. You know precisely where this will lead. We both also know that after the initial kiss, there will not be a single logical thought between us.." The voice of reason finding a perch on my tongue.

"You can't deny that you don't want this as much as I do. Your body craves it, I can feel it. I know it!" Hope began to creep into her voice. She prayed that she had read all the signs correctly and wasn't making an ass of herself.

"Exactly my point... I don't want a disturbance once we begin. My family is not always respectful of my privacy, and though they're not home right now.. they will be later." I got up and walked to the door. My eyes anchored onto her while I locked the door. A smile that could only be described as sinful spread across my face.

The mood of her features equally matched that of my own. I couldn't begin to describe it but the air flooded with carnal passion and every breath we took filled our lungs with its burning needs.

We met halfway, standing right next to my dresser. Our bodies met while our arms still dangled at our respective sides. Eyes closed while lips explored. The night was just beginning.

We nearly lost control when our hands fell on the other's skin. My grip fastened to her back and her neck... hers was free roaming on an endless tour of my body. She backed me up against the wall and literally ripped off my shirt. A few buttons came flying off; she bit into my flesh and tossed my shirt across the room. Ripped open my belt and yanked my pants down-my boxers going with them.

On her knees, she pulled off my socks and shoes before looking up towards me. Something gleamed in her eyes like fire. It took me a moment to realize it, but it was the light that we were right next to. What she did next was undoubtedly predictable...but amazing all the same.

In all my life I never knew such pleasure was possible. I went to nirvana and got lost. Time faded away and all that existed were the panting breaths, the pleading moans, and her gifted mouth.

After what seemed like hours she rose to her feet-still clothed-and pressed her body against mine. One of her hands rose to click off the light. My lips burned for hers.. I pressed them tightly against those twin, pliable tiers and pushed my tongue into her mouth. She tasted so intoxicating, I almost felt drunk.

The streetlight led a stream of dull orange light into my room through one of the windows. It was more than enough to see her.. I took a slower approach than the frenzy that was my own undressing. Each garment gradually removed..my heart quickened with each new portion of exposed skin. Soon she stood there nude... goosebumps running the length of her fragile flesh.

Most people are embarrassed in the buff. Especially in front of strangers. Not her though. Nor I. Normally, I don't like people seeing me so exposed and something about her told me it was quite nearly the same with her as well, but something was very different about this particular occasion. We stood there exalted like a god and a goddess receiving eons of praise for their perfection. It was a moment that will last for an eternity.

She crawled onto the bed and got onto her hands and knees. My grin was devilish as I placed myself behind her on the bed. We began at a slow, intimate pace.. and progressed to passion.

"I have something to share with you. I want you to understand how pain and pleasure can be one." My words were whispers that flowed fluidly through the air; she nearly didn't hear them over the loud, rhythmic smack of flesh against flesh. She made it clear that she heard me, though, with a moaning "Mmmm hmmm."

The Xacto blade from the other night-the one I used to carve the rose into my arm-was still on my nightstand. I reached over, my pace... no... our pace unwavering, I took the razor into my hand.

With one hand on her luscious rump, I placed the other at the top of her back where her neck met her shoulders. The tip of the razor pricked her and bead of blood slowly rose to the surface. The light in the window made it sparkle on her back and twinkle in my eyes. She sighed, initially out of brief pain.. but as her lips closed again I could tell she enjoyed it. I continued...

I dragged the blade down her back with one long slice... A small stream of crimson leaked out of her ruptured skin.. A cry escaped her pleading mouth. She didn't want me to stop anything I was doing. She was asking... begging.. yearning for me to teach her more. I sliced her again, crossing it with the previous gash... deeper this time.

"Don't stop.. more.." She spoke at such a volume that it was difficult for me to be sure that was what she said.

Her pace quickened and mine rose to meet every thrust. It was violence in the satisfactory realm of sex, but it wasn't rage or hate. No. It was rapture. I cut her more and let those wounds run their instinctive course.. A slash on the side of her thigh.. a gash on the meaty flesh of ass.. a river of red flooding her back. It was phenomenal.

Her body began to quiver. She moaned and cried. Her skin rippled from the impact of our clashing thrusts. I threw the razor aside and put my hands around her throat. I began choking her, starving every nerve of oxygen and forcing them to find release in the overwhelming pleasure.

Her body began to shake, she wasn't afraid that I could easily kill her. She was unconcerned that she couldn't breathe. Then, when I gather she was near passing out, her body broke out into convulsions...and I let go.

Overtaking her were wild spasms that had her clenching and releasing with no rhyme or reason. She was lost on an edge of reality too distant for the timid to ever imagine reaching. It engulfed her wholly and I pushed her still.. With effort and strain I kept her balancing on that cliff for some 3 minutes and a few seconds..her body going wild all the while. It was almost too intense to endure, but with one final, deep thrust I pushed her over the edge. She screamed with true delight at the top of her exhausted lungs and collapsed on her belly.. releasing me from her tight grasp.

I took a long moment to catch my breath. She was busy doing the same. She had spent around 3 minutes finishing; I, on the other hand, still had yet to finish. I wasn't interested in my own orgasm, though. Besides, I felt damn good with my tender flesh humming with the memory.

I rolled her onto her back-she was too weak to move without my help. I put the pillow under her head and smiled to her. She managed an inebriate grin, her eyes mere slits with her nearly shut lids. I laid down next pressed my body so close to her own that her warmth became my warmth. She was the first to fall asleep and I was quick to follow.

The sleep was oblivion. It was like being lost underwater and in the complete dark. Nothing existed, nothing dare exist or ruin the harmony of nothingness. It was the best sleep of my entire life.

Four hours later I woke up and turned my head to look at her. My gentle stirrings, in turn, woke up the sleeping beauty. She looked at me with wide eyes that were flooded with liquid. She was about to cry...

"What's the matter?" I cared. I needed to know what disturbed her so much. I knew it wasn't the pain from the wounds made earlier. I knew it wasn't some secret she kept from me and we would both spend the rest of our lives paying for. I knew what it wasn't, but couldn't begin to put my finger on what it was.

"My dream.. It was a nightmare. It's been so long since I had a dream that actually brought me to tears. I was a small girl the last time it happened.." Her voice had a certain broken quality about it. The dream really did a number on her.

By simply pleading her case to me with her eyes she could tell that I would be glad to listen to her elaboration on the dream. Or nightmare, rather.

"In the dream, all this.. tonight.. it happened. And then I left here and went home. A week went by and serendipity did not strike again. I thought of looking for you. I went to the mall a thousand times within the following month. I didn't have and leads! I didn't even know your name, and I still don't!

"A year passed and still no such luck. Then, many years after, I met some kindhearted man in bookstore. We ended up getting married. We bought a big house, were extremely successful. We had three kids and a dog and I got used to being a humble housewife. I liked it all just fine.

"Decades later, he died. A few months after that, I was laying there on my death bed. I knew, just before I died, that I wanted company. I wanted to hold a hand tightly while I surrendered my life. I didn't want his hand, though. Or even the hand of any of my children. I couldn't stop thinking of you! I needed your hand, but I died alone.. and empty with unforgivable regret." Tears had began streaming down her face by now... puddling onto the sheet below. She wept with moist eyes so blurred with tears that I wondered if she could even see me. The sound of bubbling snot audible in her nostrils.

"Do me one favor. Tell me your name. Don't make me leave without giving me that much. I know what I'm asking, but.. but I can't let that dream become real, and I know if I never learn your name, it'll be the truth. Please.. please tell me your name..."

The mural on the wall above had my name on it. If she wiped her eyes, she could see that, but I knew that she wouldn't accept my name unless I gave it to her. In all honesty, the one thing that made truly willing to offer it was her shameless honesty. Honesty should be shameless..

"Darren. My name.. It's Darren McKay Gibson." I let my name float into the waiting silence and drift to her anxious ears. After she smiled and shut her eyes, a final tear squeezing out, she held me close in an embrace too powerful and sincere to describe. A few minutes later, I interrupted forever. "Let's get dressed."

It wasn't that I didn't want to stay there with her till the end of time, but I knew that if we prolonged it, the entire encounter would become another worthless memory..a story you tell at a party or something. She knew the same and was pleased to oblige.

I walked her out and to her car. We didn't hug each other goodbye, nor offer a farewell kiss. She climbed in the driver's seat and turned the ignition; I turned around and headed back inside. Neither of us knew if we would ever see each other again... but I think I can speak for the both of us when I say it probably just the beginning.

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Referenced #2
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Heart vs mind.