I've been thinking about something an awful lot lately. It's been really bugging me and the answer is unimaginably elusive. Well, apparently, I'm not the only one pondering that question so intensely because someone asked me that very question and expected an answer.

The question is if I still love a certain someone...

I have discovered that a lot of the feelings and thoughts that I still harbor for her are habit and little more. I have realized that a lot of the emotions I still feel for her are only results of that habit that I have enforced upon myself. So, well, answering this question is going to take some time.

There are multiple arguments for either side. One argument is that if I actually cared enough to make it habit in the first place I had of loved her. Then, if I loved her, I still love her because love is an eternal, unconditional, absolute acceptation of someone. In this case, I would always love her, however, the love would just take on a more friendly form rather than the passionate.

On the other hand, there is the fact that I made a lot of my routine and days routine with her. see, if you love someone it can't be habit. It can't be routine. It is thereby something that just is and cannot be explained, or really, accounted for. So, if this is the case, then I don't love her because I never really did to begin with.

Another route is that I did love her...and then, somewhere in the mix, the love died. I find that this is possible only because nothing is impossible in this universe. However, I find it about as probable as my left foot falling off this instant, turning into a baby triceratops and rampaging through my living room. I have to admit that would be worth the actual loss of my foot... But anyway, I find that option incredibly unlikely.

What I have so far is that I either love her still, or I never loved her. This much I feel that I know without a shred of doubt. See, I want to take my time with this so that when I discover the answer there won't be any derision left to be worked through. I don't want to just say "Yeah, sure. Of course I do!" I'm not in the business of hurting feelings, I just want to be completely honest about this for both party's sake. Hopefully I'll have an answer within the year, but so far, I'm leaning towards the positive. I think that I might..and that I'll never stop. It doesn't bother me, really. It hardly affects me, it's just how it is..or, might be. We'll see, right?

In other related topics, I still love Thomas Palmer's Dream Science. I knew I would. This time around is bringing out new view points, too. Ones that hit a lot closer to home. With anything, the more you read it or the more you watch...the more exposure you have to it, the wider variety of things that you get from that particular thing. This time, it's personal variety that links me-the part of me that no one really knows-to the main character, Rockland Poole. Well, you could argue that most books that a person reads are written in a style meant for the reader to relate to the main character. That's just how it's supposed to be, and I don't think it's really all that different with Dream Science. However, it's the manner that I relate with him that is so peculiar.... Read the book and think of the small information you have about me and I think you'll soon understand my meaning. Well, anyway, I think I'm going to get back to reading now.

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