Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Thirty-first Entry. A bad day, but progressive day
03-11-2003 | 8:18 p.m.

Today I feel accomplished. The day was rather horrible, though. I almost got into a wreck that was nowhere near being my fault..let me explain this. See, there is a traffic law that drivers are expected to know stating that if you are in the far left lane turning left, then you turn into the far left lane. This woman was in the left lane, I was in the right lane, and we were turning onto a three-lane road. Well, anyway, I was in the right lane turning left and aimed for the center lane..the same lane she was after and only because the left lane was empty, I managed to narrowly escape a wreck. She actually honked at me and flipped me off..needless to say, I was incredibly annoyed.

Another example of how my day was horrible is lunch. See, I lay down and close my eyes so that the sun and atmosphere can calm me. I was calm, nearly napping, when a foam, neon-green ball lands on my belly. I scarcely felt it, and had I actually been asleep, I wouldn't have felt it. That's not the thing though, it's the principle of the thing. So, I looked around waiting for the moron to give himself..or herself.. away with a giggle or comment. Nothing of the sort, however some guy spoke just as he was leaving my peripheral and ducking behind a building.. I did not like what he had to say and figured that if it was anyone..it was him. So, I got up and went to pick a fight and call him on what he said. See, I'm rarely so brash but my day was not going pleasantly and he just pushed the wrong buttons. At any rate, he denied saying anything and swore that he had no problem...I almost felt intimidating, a strange unwholesome feeling. I told him to have a good day and left him alone.

My day finally got better when I got to third block. See, I talk with this guy named Elijah about Cartoon Network's Adult Swim..especially Futurama. I couldn't stop laughing when we got to talking about "Santa of Claus" ..."Christmas still SUCKED!" It was hilarious.. but still not why I feel accomplished.

I feel accomplished because I just uncovered two very powerful arguments towards that ongoing question I am presently attempting to answer. See, I realized today that every single time I see a silver car..my heart jumps. I quickly jump to see if it's a Honda and if it is, then I can feel my breath catch in my throat. I race to discover the driver and..it's not her. It happens all within a flash of a second, but it's important. See, I fully admit that the truth of the matter is that I do this out of pure habit. However, that is insignificant. See, it's what I'm thinking..the emotion I'm feeling..during those brief few moments that I don't know if it's her or not. I'm hoping that it's her, I'm desperately wishing that it's her. I don't want her to see me, I don't want her to pull over and us have nice conversation. I just want it to be her and to see her. That's not habit..that's genuine. That's one more for me loving her still.

The other argument involves my wallet. I still have her pictures and pictures of us together in my wallet. I would be inclined to assume that I haven't taken the photos out simply because I'm lazy and haven't gotten around to it yet, but this is not true. It's quite far from it. I look forward to opening up my wallet and seeing her faded pictures smiling back at me. I don't think I honestly could remove her picture, either. They belong there and they comfort me a little sometimes-not actually seeing them, just knowing that they're there. See, that was never something that ever became a habit. It was one of those things that I paid little attention to and still I hardly give it as much attention as it deserves. So, that's another really strong argument that I still love her. And the only argument I have against it is that it was possibly just habit-strong..but losing more credibility each day.

Comment <-- | -->

Current
Profile
E-mail
Notes
Pictures
D-land
Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
Referenced
To write them.
Heart vs mind.