This one I wrote yesterday. Yesterday was like today. How completely unexpected...I'm getting tired of every single day being so much like its predecessor that the past few months mold togehter to make one long day...I picked up a few more dollars today towards moving. At this rate, I'll have nearly a hundred bucks by the end of the March. Let's hope...

Would you like to understand my life? One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Do you know what you just counted? The number of hours I just spent spinning in an office chair, watching television, and glancing at the inactive computer screen. Hours that I'll never again have to experience..hours that I'll never be able to change..hours that are forever lost to me..hours that bring me that much closer to my death. I am presently well over 157,680 hours old if my math is serving me accurately enough. That's a shit load of wasted hours, isn't it? And at the end of my life, all these hours are supposed to flash before my eyes in the eternity of a solitary second. I don't doubt that but I don't buy into it, either. I just think that it has no purpose and that life has no purpose.

This is a general statement that seems nothing like me for those who think they know me, but truth be told, I don't think anything has a higher purpose because it wouldn't really matter if existence is or is not. Even the creative consciousness responsible for all of creation has no real purpose..for it wouldn't really matter if it didn't exist, if it doesn't exist. So sad? So desolate and alone? Not hardly. Life is so beautiful, and that it has no purpose or meaning liberates you..that's real freedom. To be able to attribute your own meaning to your life..your own inspiration..your own driving force and beliefs...that's a wondrous thing. I think it's a far cry better than having some celestial creature looking over my shoulder to make sure I stay on the "right path" and all that bull..

The most common misconception people incur when trying to interpret my life is that I actually attribute meaning to it. The next most common, is that since I have no belief in a higher meaning, that everything is meaningless. That is the real mistake people make. Everything means so much to me. The hue of yellow on a bee..the scent of funnel cakes in the fall air...the sedated warmth of a Christmas hug..the prickling sting of a healing sunburn...all highly spiritual experiences for me. I adore it all and attribute it all to a deeper understanding that will bring me closer to my oblivion-a state of being where I no longer exist as a "self" but as an aspect of the whole. Life has more meaning for me than almost anyone I know...

Then there's the whole "right place, wrong time" business. I love being on Earth, just not in the present. I hate the concept of money, I'm enraged by greed and a lack of responsibility, and I believe in simple concepts that have been nearly annihilated by the globe's admiration for science and the defined..the explained. I hate to admit it, but I am in the right place at the right time. Had I not been here in this era, then I would not be myself-not something so bad..just..well, I'd have adapted to a different sort of world is all. See, people don't see this...they don't see how I can fit in this place..this hell. Trust me, I'm much more of a hell inside than anywhere else in the world-morally depraved killers playing soccer with the heads of their victims is a heaven as compared to the wretched realities that dwell in my mind. I repeat, "The higher the thirst for peace, the more immersed in violence and cruelty." I think Ghandi must have been evil incarnate...

Well, I guess I'm done for now because I don't really feel like saying much more. There really isn't much else to say. "Silence is the weapon of North."

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And that's that.
Referenced #2
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To write them.
Heart vs mind.