Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Forty-sixth Entry. Booyah, I fooled ya...
07-23-2003 | 1:49 a.m.

Well, my birthday has come and gone, and despite my moaning and groaning in the previous two entries, it was quite nice. I kept up with my three-year tradition of working on my birthday. I got more alone time today than I've gotten in over a month. And I got some donuts out of it.

I sent my family off to dinner without me. I had to be a major asshole, but it was well worth it. They did, however, return with food. Exactly what they knew I would have ordered from Jericho's. Pitta bread and hummus. What else is there to get?

I get a present every year from society. Usually, it's the entertainment business that offers the gift. When I turned 16, I was online late at night looking for shower heads. I found a promising website, clicked on the link, and was transported to the best porn site I've ever been to. It might be a little perverted of me, but still. It's the simple truth, whether I like it or not. Then, when I turned 17 I got something. I can't remember what, exactly, but I think that we got HBO free for the entire day due to a glitch in the wires. My 18th birthday, Gillette sent me a package with their new Mach 3 razor, a can of their foam spray, and a few spare razors. This year...Nip/Tuck premiered on my birthday. I watched the new Spiderman on MTV the night before my birthday, too. But Nip/Tuck...I believe...was the gift. I enjoyed it very much, too. It's everything that I hate all rolled into one show for me. consider me it's number one fan.

So, I talked to Alyson today. She called for my birthday. About a month or two ago, she stopped by and said that she'd be coming by more often and that she'd drop by for my birthday. I doubted both, and I was unfortunately justified for that doubt. It would have been nice to see her. I don't miss being in a relationship with her anymore. In fact, it doesn't feel like we were ever in a relationship. But I do miss her company. She's not who I remember anymore. I'm sure that if she were to get to know me all over again, though, she would swear me NOW and me THEN are two separate entities. No one really knows me NOW, though. I haven't taken the time to introduce the changes to anyone. Besides, they are subtle changes that aren't really meant for their eyes. They're changes that are all my own, necessary for the storm that is to come.

Later today, I'm going to have to go to the library or Barnes & Noble. I've been reading The Elegant Universe by Brian Greene. It's a fascinating book, but I've been stuck on a particular point made within about Einstein's theory of relativity...about how if someone travels at the speed of light, there is no passage of time because all movement is placed within the dimensions of space. And if you could travel faster than the speed of light, you would be able to travel in reverse time, thus enabling time travel. There's much more to it, and you can imagine the chaos brewing in my mind, but I've managed to come to terms with a lot of the questions and like Jesus, I've calmed the raging seas and returned them to serenity. So, tomorrow I should go back and read some more.

I made a rap song the other day. Well, it's white-boy, nerdo rap produced from the bored minds of an idiotic boy. That's me! It's not finished, but I keep on saying it over and over again. It's ridiculous:
Booyah! I fooled ya! I'm a rubber chicken, oooyah!
I left you at my doorstep, but I'm not Otep, I'll pluck you from my life with a pair of forceps!
And I'll keep you at the gate, as if it were fate, because you remind me too much of Norman................Bates.
Look at me, I'm set free. How can it be
That I'm driving a new dodge, it must be a mirage, because I only got pieces of shit in my two-car-garage.

That's all I have for now. It's probably as far as I'll decide to go with it. It makes no sense, but I can't stop layin' down its mad beats. Anyway, that's all for this post. Peace out yo'.

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Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
To write them.
Heart vs mind.