Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Fifty-seventh Entry. Black, white, and some gray.
07-31-2003 | 7:16 p.m.

I have been doing a lot of work online lately. Well, I can't really call it work. It's leisure that I enjoy putting effort into. I'm in reference to a new weblog I started up earlier this week. Tuesday, I think. It's damn-the-bob.diaryland.com, a comic strip that I have decided to undertake. I warn you now, it can be pretty lewd-the new strip I did just earlier today is a prime example and will be ready for show later on tonight. At any rate, there's a link just to the left of my entry. I'm sure that you can't miss it, well, unless you're blind. So, if you decide to visit it, please tell me what you think. I love feedback!

Now that I have that out of the way, I have quite a lot to talk about tonight. I hope that the storm outside won't cause I short circuit. Those are great movies. I miss the "Short Circuit" movies with that weapon robot turned loving nerd superhero. Great comedy, and when he has all that gold plating, he looks so sexy. "Los locos kick your ass. Los locos kick your face. Los locos kick your balls into out----er space!"

I have a habit of clicking on the banners that show up. I can rarely resist the urge, and almost every diary I go to is marked as a favorite place on my AOL bookmarks. However, I was at luvabeans.diaryland.com's diary the other day and found it simply awesome. I enjoy her cool design, but it was the entry I read that really pulled me in. She was talking about how the country has a sense of truth, and how the city had a sense of truth. Both had their own truth, but the country just somehow seemed truer. And maybe it's because I've been living in Mobile, Alabama for 9 years, 1 week, and 6 days...or maybe it's because I've seen the stars on a country road...or maybe it's because I've made forests my playground...but I have to agree. I can understand how someone wouldn't agree, though, or wouldn't even understand what I'm saying. However, there are few people that understand and disagree.

I think that it's partly due to the fact that in the city, there are scores of gray hues.. While in the county, there is plenty of black and white. The country has hues of gray that the city does not, but overall, it has so much of "this or that." "One way or another." I was driving on the way to pick up my mother from work today, and in front of me the sky was bright and filled with white, fluffy clouds. The sun was radiant; I could nearly hear the birds chirping. Behind me, though, was an awful storm that turned the sky as black as if it were night. Lightening was shattering the skies as the thunderclaps boomed with a wretched roar, electric blue veins giving life and fuel to the rage... It was breathtaking. Both were amazing. And it was as if just above me the two met in a line as obvious as black and white. There are so many things that are black and white in the country. It's good to get out of the gray sometimes...you feel like there are differences between "this and that." You don't feel like it's a constant lie doing it's bast to maintain the illusions and the cruel deceptions. The country is just a truer place..

For an abrupt shift as gentle as whiplash, I was laying on my brother's futon bed today. I was thinking of an entry to add because it had been awhile (Yes, I know that I just posted six entries just last night, but those are all old entries. There is quite a difference. ). I was thinking about orgasms. Me, I don't think about them all the time. I don't keep a log of how often I have them. I don't wake up in the morning and say to myself, "Darren. You're going to have an orgasm today." I find that strange that I don't do that. I find it strange that out of all humanity that I have met, I haven't met a single person that does. Why is this so troubling? Because people wake up and say to themselves, "I'm going to have a good day today." Or, "I'm going to get wasted today." They say all these things, and plan all these things, except for something that has such an awesome power.

People take pills everyday. People remember to take their vitamins every morning. They know when their favorite show is going to come on. They don't know when their next orgasm is. People just don't think about that type of thing. I wonder why.. I mean, wouldn't you want to make sure that every day includes a pick-me-up of that caliber? I know that I would, but for some reason, the mere thought of planning an orgasm makes me feel so human and inhuman at the same time.

Humans have to categorize everything. We have to schedule and plan, and formulate systems. That's just human, but when you apply it to anything sexual or pleasurable...it just seems to be utterly void of all humanity. In fact, when I was having the thought earlier, I felt so empty..but not any form of emptiness I'd ever felt before. There are thousands of kinds of emptiness, and I swear that I must have felt them all, but this..this was so new..and so alien...so antihuman. Somehow though, it was a human epiphany. It was a moment of harmony when a deeper understanding had been reached. I try to not go too long without having an epiphany..but this one..I guess I just wasn't prepared for it.

Anyway, I think I'm going to start a chart of my orgasms. I want to push the issue. I want to drive into the guard rails of the human consciousness and fly off the road into a lake of fire. I want to drown and burn all at once. I want to understand the reason for that inhuman emotion..that clinical sex drive..and its source. I have to know, so don't be surprised if you see a calendar show up on the site with an "x" in nearly every box. I often go a week or two without an orgasm..but I have to understand. Besides, it'll feel good anyway, right?

I'm glad I left myself off at that point...It makes a smooth transition to my next subject. A rare thing for me. If a woman's vagina is a thousand fold more sensitive than a man's penis, then why are we the ones who are notorious for lasting a mere five minutes? Why is it that so many women never experience an orgasm during sex? I feel sorry for women in a conservative atmosphere...their lovers are horrible in bed, and it's against their credo to get themselves off. Talk about hell...

It might sound like a joke, but I'm serious. I understand that women have a whole lot more nerves in their sexual apparatus than men do. I understand that women have a certain spot where a lot of those extra nerves seem to clump together...the "g-spot." I understand that the g-spot is often difficult for a man to reach during sex. However, if we have an incredibly small fraction of the nerves, why do we obsess about sex nonstop...why do we get turned on so easily..why do last 5 minutes when they last an hour.

Personally, I'm not as sensitive as most people. Most guys even. I've lasted for 8 hours before and produced no results (health problems later followed..). There are occasions, though, where I lasted for three hours and finally gave in.. Supposedly, it was enjoyable for her, but she didn't have an orgasm. Then, there was this one time where I lasted seven seconds...two seconds longer than that same girl lasted. I though she could have faked it, but I could feel the gush of liquid that was not my own..

I just have a hard time grasping all of this. All the evidence says that women should be nymphomaniacs and guys should be the levelheaded ones. Maybe not all of those nerves that women have are working.. Maybe the few women whose nerves actually work as they should, are the porn stars, the prostitutes, the promiscuous women that all the other women love to hate. I just don't know. I wish I could be a woman for at least a day and learn the truth for myself. Oh, the fun I'd have.

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Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
To write them.
Heart vs mind.