Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Fifty-eigth Entry. "Sorry S1eekButt76..."
08-01-2003 | 11:49 a.m.

I am fully convinced that there is an AOL Instant Messenger army composed of thousands upon thousands of clones. The clones are only of two different people, though. AmyCyber... and HotCollegeCams. The only way you can decipher one from the next is the number the follows. I think it's their serial number. I've never met the same clone twice.

So this army is set on world domination. They are hoping that everyone is going to go to their hot cams while they take over. They are hoping that no one will notice while all government is disposed of in the same manner as a rotting banana peel.. You see, though, I'm wise to them and their horrible scheme. Darren The Great-I earned the name by sharing the same birthday as Alexander The Great-will protect you all. Don't fret, you can stare into their hot, hot cams while I shield you from their tyranny.

I'm serious, though. Every five minutes I get an AIM from one or the other. It's ridiculous. You try and block them, but they change the numbers around. So you go a little more drastic and ban all the AIM screen names save for the ones that you know. But do you know what happens? You leave out cousin Lester and start a family feud the size of the next world war...and then all this bad karma arises and goes straight to the Middle East. I don't want that on my head, so I'm forced to endure the torment that the Army of Boobs find necessary.

I don't think I'm the only one with this problem. My online friends tell me all the time how The Porn is oppressing them worse than The Man ever could. I almost wish there was a list of screen names that spammers are not allowed to IM under penalty of law just as there is now with the telemarketers. Damn am I glad to know of that list! I get the feeling, though, that if there did exist a list for spammers...that I'd Instant Message someone new and they'd get all pissed off and tell me that I'm breaking a law or something. I can see myself in court saying, "I only wanted to contact S1eekButt76, the plaintiff, to tell her that she had a nice profile...I didn't intend to extend an invitation to my underground porn ring based around wrinkle fetishes.. I'm sorry."

Could you just imagine some of the lawsuits that would arise out of these depths? I mean, seriously. In a land where some lazy fat guy wants to blame his obesity on fast-food chains, I could only imagine what internet disputes would run rampant. Sure, they might get thrown out of court left and right...but the fact is that they still made it to court!

That's all for now, though. I have to go poke fun at society in my solitude now. I don't like to be openly mean to the ridiculous cretins of the modern world.

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Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
To write them.
Heart vs mind.