Sixty-sixth Entry. Goodbye and hello.
08-17-2003 | 10:34 p.m.
Goodbye Alyson. I know you well and you used to say that I had helped you. I don't think that I ever really did anything, and I think you see that now. You helped me, though. You have turned me into this. Some may not like the transformation, but once they witness its capabilities they will have to admit it's an improvement. Thank you, and though I love you dearly, goodbye. It's necessary.
Goodbye Dennis. You are the only person I have met that I have so much in common with. You are an honest soul dedicated to cause and sincerity. You have given me support in areas no one else understands. Not by open offering, but by example. I wish I had your strength.
Goodbye Jo-John. I have not had the chance to get to know you well, but the time we did have was good and wholesome. I hope that you are a glimpse of what is to come.
Goodbye Michael. I love you. If you were my brother, I'd be happy. You can be an ass when it comes to women, but you're still pretty cool. Don't become a yuppie. Don't lose interest. Don't stray. I'll miss you, Crackle, it's been fun.
Goodbye Nathaniel. You are the brother that I didn't have. Bryan is great, and I wouldn't trade him, but you're still my brother. Stay...you. There's no real way to describe it. Sometimes, on rare occasions, it is good to give in to temptation and other such urges. I'll miss you, Pop, it's been one hell of a blast. [Snap, Crackle, POP!]
Goodbye Chelsea. Again, I did not have the opportunity to get to know you. However, I know everything about you. Nathaniel couldn't keep quiet about you if he tried. I love you, he loves you, everybody loves you. Even though we never got too close, it feels like I'm leaving a lifelong friend behind.
Goodbye Jess. I wish I really could have done more for you. I got an update from Brandon two days ago-the guy you cheated on me with. It's strange that I never cared. It's strange that I everyone that doesn't know you-the real you, which is everyone-doesn't like you. I love you, though. I can't get enough of you. I only wish I could say goodbye in person. Damn, I love you more than I've ever loved anyone. I just wish I knew why.
Goodbye Crise. I wish things could have been easier for you, but if they had been you'd be someone else entirely. You're everything I ever wanted. Every night before I drifted off to sleep I asked for happiness. I asked for you. It's not so bad that things didn't work out. Some dreams just aren't supposed to come true. I love you, Crise. I hope you live a full, happy life at all costs.
Goodbye Mimi. That's a mouthful, isn't it? Hard to say, harder to believe. My best friend and my first real friend. We've been through a lot separately and together. It's going to be hard to know that I can't call you and go play pool or just get a much needed pick-me-up. You always put things in perspective for me. You always looked out for me. You are the only one that will point out my bad decisions and use them against me. I've adored you for 4 years, but it feels longer. It feels like forever. I wish it were forever. I'll miss you the most when I'm gone, and if I keep in touch with no one else, you'll receive my letters on a regular basis. I cherish you my friend. Goodbye Mimi. Fond farewells.
It's been hard growing up. All the struggle and strife. All the heartache and intrigue. All the joys and inside jokes-Big Red Dick. It's been worth remembering. It's been everything it's cracked up to be. It's time to grow up, though. In a few, short days I will be an adults. No more childhood dreams of being old and responsible. No more playing "House." No more dreams of grandeur. It's here. It's now. It's beautiful and I can't wait to join it.
Hello struggle. Hello strife. Hello challenge and commitment. Hello strength and peace. Hello destiny. Hello goals. Hello fulfillment. Hello life, I'm going to grab you be the throat and make love with you all at once. You're mine and I'm yours; I couldn't imagine a more perfect union.
(I can still back out of my obligation. In fact, there are a few factors that could keep me here, but they will not ask me to stay. If they did, they would not be the people I know and love. I have my word again, and once given, I will not revoke its promise. My word is my law, without it, my honor, dignity, and integrity...I am lost to samsara. I am lost to the great sea. I have wings. I have to fly or die-those first few flaps are all I got. No parachute. No safety net. One shot. All or nothing. It'll be great.)
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Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation
And that's that.
To write them.
Heart vs mind.