I had another dream about North Korea last night. They were sending artillery rounds to the DMZ, and for some reason I went up there with two others. We did something to have the Korean Police chase us around and were the first ones to see the rounds. We called our platoon sargeant and told him to alert the platoon. Meanwhile, we held the line at the DMZ with the boys from Second Infantry Division. No one came, and my squad leader came and got me and drove me back to help prepare for invasion. And I woke up.

This is the third time I've had a dream about North Korea. All three, they were attacking and I was ready for them. I leave here in another five months or so...that are going to go by like a breeze. And I don't see North Korea planning an attack in the next five years. They've been in armistice for fifty. Maybe when I come back, who knows.

I dowloaded some very graphic material over the internet yesterday. I'm trying to make myself sick enough to puke to see if I would be able to handle what I'd be put under through SF. The images bothered me, but I've realized how numb to that stuff I've become in the last year. When I saw a tracer round go through the belly of someone, hit the ground after leaving through his back, and then bounce back into the air...I felt a faint tinge of something I once would've called disgust. A headshot close-up with blood pooling around the lifeless body. Crimson-stained BDU's and a military vehicle that was once brown turned red with American blood.

I had my initial flight physical today and watched as my blood filled three viles. It looked like a rich red wine. And I thought of my blood staining the sand..or some backwoods country, rinsed not by my fellows, but only the rain. And I realized that my family and friends might not be able to handle it, but I could. I wouldn't hesitate. I wouldn't faint, I whouldn't choke/freeze. The decision is closing in on me. I wish it was vise versa.

I'm going to go numb myself some more. Somewhere deep inside me, I know that I'll be thankfull for it one day. I'm sad about that, but it's too late now.

Comment <-- | -->

Current
Profile
E-mail
Notes
Pictures
D-land
Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
Referenced
To write them.
Heart vs mind.