[This entry talks of but two people that were once close companions, but have slipped away long since.]

I'm so damn tired of being the one collecting all the phone call and being the one forcing conversations. I've woken up early. Squandered lunch breaks. Forced my eyes to remain open in the late hours night. And I get, well, I can't really talk right now. I've got this to do, that to accomplish. I don't have a damn thing to say, so I'm going to breathe and make it so uncomfortable that you decide to hang up the phone.

I have 13 minutes left on my phone card and they will be spent on my brother. I won't be buying another one despite how much I want to speak to certain people. But the factual knowledge that not once has my phone rang to their ears makes me almost apathetic to hearing their voice.

Distance can be overcome. It can make the heart tie itself with stronger knots to the dock of memories for the bereft pressence. And for the past year, I've fought for that. To improve these ties despite the truth of a globe standing between us.

And I'm weary of it.

I've checked email religously for replies to letters I've sent. And daily, the paiety of my check has faultered into the state of an abandoned religion only there in nostalgic bursts.

Upon my return, I'll offer an address. And perhaps a phone number, too. But I'll not be reaching to a turned back. No. My back is turning against the backs I'm tired of seeing.

Things change, and despite our dislike of some alterations, we can keep the shift at bay only so long before we are pulling veils over our eyes. I'll not blind myself to the truth. I don't like that I've lost the bonds that others still falsely claim. I don't like that I still reach for hope whilst they tumble in apathy.

I'm done looking to you. And should you choose to raise your tartan and fight to keep what you claimed that you would...it's late, but not too late. I emplore you, friends, don't let slip as sand between your fingers. You'll find I won't be so easily grasped again.

Anyway, on an entirely unrelated subject, Ambition is the spirit of man and not even the impossilbe can deter that spirit.

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Heart vs mind.