Somethings in my life can't be explained. They just have to be taken on faith. When I was thirteen and I first saw Her straddling me in the dark, I knew that she was the one that I'd want to spend the rest of my life with. It was just a phantom. A hallucination. And in the dark I caught so little of Her, but I knew I'd find Her one day.

The moment that I lived in that vision came. It was a little off, but I knew that's where it came from without doubt. Some things in my life just have to be taken on faith, for I've not the science to deduce the reasoning behind it.

The bed upon which all of that has happened, is now gone. And I have successfully fucked up the one thing I have hoped to keep sacred for all of my life. Perhaps I'd like to blame it somewhere other than upon my own head, to ease it a little. But truthfully, I know it's my blame to take. My shitstorm masterpiece. Yay, Darren, you're so fucking great it's unbelievable.

Strangely though, not much has really changed. I'm still going to sleep alone tonight. I'm still going to miss Her. Still going to turn Her picture to the wall to make it go by a little easier. Really, I just won't have Her in the long run. Which, I can't truly say I would have if this wouldn't of happened. And one other thing; that I may never talk to Her again. I'd like to. No....I'd love to. But I've done enough damage just trying to talk. And the more I think about the scenario, the more I'm reminded of those cheesy movies and how creepy it actually is in real life. Wish I would have had that notion before I made that brilliant decision to do it.

Anyway, I guess since the dream of my life has come to this agonizing twist, it's about time for me to wake up. I think that's the wisest thing I could do, and the kindest to all people here involved.

If I ever try something "scary" again, I swear I'll just call up my mom, and say, "Ground me. I really fucked up this time. You don't need to know how or why, just ground me. I deserve it."

Well, the silver lining. Got a car, got a liter of Jose, got my first speeding ticket out of the way, got woken up, and got a beat up hammer with a wooden handle. I'd have to say here, that the best part is the hammer. I'm going to put some worn-out tape around it, put it in a shadowbox and get a plaque for it to read, "For the lowest moment." Watch Team America if you don't understand, and don't fail to note that it's with him when he's getting drunk at the bar.

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Heart vs mind.