The cold is here seeping into my bones. My skin chills with goosebumps greeting the frosty air.

This morning, we ran the regular 4.33 mile path through the woods. The leaves of the trees half set ablaze in shades of yellow and red. The trail littered with crunhing flames beneath our feet. And I broke away from the pack and ran alone. I ploughed through it like a shadow in my black garbs. Swift and fleeting; it was surreal.

It's odd, and yet..it's not. I want someone that I can run with. Someone that I can push and that will push me, too. Yet, whenever somone comes up on my side, I push harder than I should just to get ahead of them. Or, I slack if I know they're too fast for me, and I'll let them go on ahead. I want a woman that can keep pace with me. That's what it boils down to. I'm starving for companionship.

I want something challenging. Not difficult. There's a difference. I want to be with someone that is going to push me to be better in all aspects of my life. And I want to be that for them, too. And you'd think it's so little to ask for...but I tell you, I can find a thousand needles in thousand different haystacks before I'd find what I seek.

I know because I've tried, and I've found love. Great loves who still appear in my dreams (just last night, even). And my love for them will never cease. Yet...that challenge. That one that will grab on the rope with me and help in my tug-o-war with life...I've not found.

As amazing as Ana is, I don't know if she's the challenge I've been seeking. I don't know what to do about it. At all.

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Heart vs mind.