Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Decision
15 December 2005 | 19:16

I am hanging on the cliff of good health with but a two-finger crimp. And should I fall, I have a whole season of sickness to follow. When I get sick in the Winter, I don't completely clear up till Spring. I dread this scratch in my throat. Today I've been coughing, and soon, my grip will wear out.

Supposedly, good spirits helps the metabolism fight off illness. That's been hard to deal with considering all the shit I've been going through as of late. I had to postpone my eye surgery twice now. Once for a trip, and the second time for a "ta DA!" detail. Now, I might have to do it a third time for phase. A two month endeavor. It may never happen...

The dental docs called me up the other day to tell me they want to go through with giving me a tooth back. But that, too, may have to wait for phase. It's absurd that I should be so essential so frequently that I cannot take care of my personal issues. There are plenty of other soldiers. And if they are too lazy or too inexperienced, there's only one way to fix it...and using me all the time isn't that one way.

And I've undertaken a huge decision this week. I'd like to say that I don't know what I'm going to do..but a second after I had the thought, my mind was made.

I feel stretched so thin...like saran wrap pulled tightly over a bowl...and the pre-tear wrinkles are starting to show...and the next tug is going to leave a gaping hole.

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Heart vs mind.