I was clicking through some articles to pass the time, and I came upon one of this man recalling his quest for the women that took his virginity 20 years, a wife, and some kids ago. While I've seen better grammar from stoned high schoolers, it was hilarious at points. The following excerpt is exceptionally funny to me:

"She smiled, not unkindly, and without much ado took me by the hand and led me to a place where I actually felt as if I had left my body. I floated above the bed, fascinated, almost like a bird-watcher who, after years of sitting in the woods, finally spots that rare bird heretofore only studied in guidebooks (or, in my case, Penthouse). Breathlessly, I watched as that fairest of all fowl, the bobbing-headed woodshiner, perched between my legs and began her distinctive mating dance."

And speaking in a very vague way along those terms...I call on all that is Holy and Sacred to never let me go there again. I don't know what I was thinking, only that I never want to think it again. And this time, I don't think the nightmares are going to leave me...

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