I have risked everything before. But then, everything was nothing. I had nothing really worth losing. Nothing worth enough to me that could make me feel a sense of loss if I didn't win. This time, it's different. This time, I really am risking everything.

I know without a doubt what I want. I have no idea on how to get it. And the only advice and security I have floating in my tumultuous mind is "Have faith." In God. In love. In myself and that everything is going to work out. One way or another, whether I like the outcome or not.

Meanwhile the kindest, most loving soul I've ever had in my life suffers. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to handle it. And in the back of my head I have the quietly chanting whisper, "I don't want this." I am lost, and I can only hope that God will find me.

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And that's that.
Referenced #2
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To write them.
Heart vs mind.