My dad used to always tell my brother and I that we need to "play the game." And I used to always rebel against it, saying life is no game. And well, it isn't...but it kind of is. It's a strategy game. Often morbid with heavy consequences or great rewards at every turn depending on just how good your strategy is. Anyway, I'm starting to realize the truth to my dad's words.

Life isn't going anywhere, and you don't know if you really are going anywhere after it's done with you. So you can doubt it and rebel against it as much you want. But it's still going to be here, and you're still stuck with it. You HAVE to believe in it. You have to believe in the dead grass and the tall builings around you. The neighboring cars on the road, everything. That makes it real. That give YOU the edge.

Right now, I don't know what to do in my strategy. I'm as lost as I've ever been. I'm after one thing so desperately, hoping and clinging to a "have faith" promise I'm not 100 percent sure was ever made...or if I've even fucked it up already. And on the other hand, I have a real promise. A garuantee. A very content happiness I can carry with me to the end of my days. But I'll still have that longing...that craving for the grass on the other side. I know I WILL like it more..but I don't know how to get there...and stay there.

So like in any real game..especially one with stakes as high as these, I'll have to close my eyes, say a prayer to God...and throw the dice. God, please don't let me choose wrong.

Comment <-- | -->

Current
Profile
E-mail
Notes
Pictures
D-land
Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
Referenced
To write them.
Heart vs mind.