Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Tool
30 March 2008 | 09:28

When I was a child, I knew exactly who I was. I knew how much potential I had, and I could hardly wait to realize it. Now, as an adult, I'm learning so much more about myself. Namely things I already knew but lost somewhere along the way. It's much harder being who you want to be when you're grown.

Curled tightly on my bed, sick and congested, with my eyes shut and me unable to open them, I felt that childhood clarity. The window was open and the cold wasn't harsh...rather, it caressed me soothingly. Meanwhile, songs from my childhood played and I was in that receptive state where my guard was down and mind open. I instantly flashed back to wearing all black, being that moody kid in the back, leaning against the wall with a quite, solemn face and a mind storming with all the elements of the cosmos stirring every thought.

I miss that. I miss how genuinely sure I was of myself, as well as the outside world. Now, I am sure of myself....much more so, but the whole outside world is a mystery. Maybe that's what's driving me to science? Breaking down the confusion in such vain attempts to rekindle that old feeling? Whatever be the case, I do so miss being who I used to be. I think I'm making my way back there, though. I've been astray from my path for far too long, and I'm pretty sure I'm finding my way back.

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Heart vs mind.