Friday night I was left behind. I was drunk and detatched from the crowd and I reverted back to my typically curious self. Instead of wandering into another bar, I delved deeper into the Korean-dominant areas of town. I was surrounded by late-night vendors picking up their shops. The scent of fresh fish in the air; bewildered Koreans stared at me. Instead of wondering where everyone else was...or for that matter, where I was...I found it more important to wonder where I REALLY was. In Korean society. Detatched from heavy American influence. I've missed that.

I find it important to leave a trail of bread crumbs back to where I came from. I might just want to make it back there, who knows. And I think that's why I write so much here. Not about the specifics of life. But more so about the things that make me who I am. Things that are too hard to explain..but with the use of examples, can be thought about...and reached. It's important to know who you have been, regardless.

I have been doing well in the college classes I've started taking. The first term is over and I've made outstanding grades. What has really been nice about it, though, is my mind has opened back up. I've spent so long with it closed; I'd spend all my time thinking frivolous thoughts. When I showed back up in Korea, I started using my brain again. These classes have helped me, also. This term of algebra has helped me to understand numbers and variables much clearly than ever before. It all just makes sense. And sociology has helped me to understand not just the world around me...but myself. Especially myself.

I understand my sociological situation better, sure. But that's not what I'm talking about. I understand my thoughts. My desires. My dreams. All that so much more clearly. I know now HOW to explain why I want to be a hermit. I know why I want the world to fall to pieces and for us to move to the woods and begin socialization all over again.

I also kind of understand why we need armageddon. We do not change easy, as people. And if we can revert back to wicked ways, we will. God is only giving us the chance to prove it to ourselves. We'll go down a spiral until we are at the bottom.

Also, I know with reason why it is so important to be that positive deviant. Sure, everyone is wicked and vile. Whatever. But just because that's everyone else, it need not be you, too. I've done bad, but I don't have to keep doing bad. Just think if there would have been 10 good people in that city of wickedness? Would God not have saved it then? Only 10 good souls to save a whole city? These small numbers count for something. Might as well be one of them.

Anyway, just thought I'd rant some about nothing in general. And I want to formally give thanks to all the blessings I've received and all the help I've been given. From anyone and everyone. It's made a huge impact, and I hope I'm one day in a position to return the favor.

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And that's that.
Referenced #2
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To write them.
Heart vs mind.