Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody.
Inhuman
13 March 2009 | 22:30

We like to ride the slope all the way down. We don't like jumping off-mid slide. It's just too fun gaining all that momentum. Little do we prepare ourselves for the sudden drop at the end, though. We hit rock bottom and it takes that stop...because we don't want to quit until we have to...until nothing else that's interesting is left. And we pick up from there...

Unrelated, whenever I finally get the chance to show I really am human...it's like it gets interrupted and/or overwhelmed. I can't sit here and enjoy the fact that I'm real and alive with the sorrow I feel in missing my wife's presence. Sorrow is the one emotion I'm actually good at experiencing. And, oddly, I enjoy it becuase I DO actually feel it. Only, I can't sit on it and think.

I have everything else to worry about first. Are the toolbox inventory up-to-date? Is it better to rent or sell the house? Should I try for Vanderbilt and not save money or go to Mobile and save? Am I on track with my Army separation timeline? There's just a hundred pressing things all pressing down on me and keeping me from being human.

I am aware of the argument that those worries make me human and all, but that's not what I WANT to feel right now. I want to enjoy this bereft feeling.

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