I was watching Grey's Anatomy and something about that latest episode got me thinking about me..who I am and why I want to be a surgeon. To be honest, I didn't like where it seemed like it was coming from at the moment. Let me preface this with the fact of me wanting to be a doctor for quite some time now...

I have issues just like everyone else. I'm very aware of them, but manage to keep them hidden fairly well. I've had insecurites and worth issues since puberty. I've failed an awful lot and I'm very hard on myself. My failures disappoint me more than anyone else, I'm certain. That can lead a long way down..and it seems like something great or grand needs to be done to counteract all of my pitfalls.

No one can say a doctor hasn't made it. They can't say that a surgeon who saves lives has no worth. That a man like that isn't of a respectable caliber. He is a cocksure confident person. I don't want to be a surgeon because it might make me feel better or feel worthy. Nor should anyone.

My point is, we as humans make a lot of decisions for all the wrong reasons. We give to charity not so that we can help others...but so we don't look bad. We say nice things to other people because we want them to say nice things back to us. We just do so much with all the wrong motives...and not enough people take the time to think what our motives really are...and they go around living this sham till whenever it unravels. Then, instead of seeing the real problem, they find another sham to bury themselves in...

The world seems to be falling apart. Especially with all this financial turmoil. Maybe it's because it's all I've been doing lately, but I think it's because we watch too much tv. We don't think nearly as much as we should and I think some of us have actually lost the ability to peacefully think and let that alone be their entertainment. Hell, television viewers should be able to see the decline. There used to be quality things to watch with lessons and engaging thoughts and wit. Now adults sit around watching hours of bathroom humor...finding it to be the most brilliantly hilarious thing ever. If that's not a decline, then who knows what is...

I owe it to myself to address my own problems. If I'm ever to take someone's life into my own hands, I sure as hell better have all of my ducks in a row. I want to be a surgeon. Not because of any theorized worth or respect it might bestow. I want to be a surgeon on my terms. I want to do it becuase I want to help people. I want to save lives. I want to be a tool for miracles.

We need to be honest with ourselves. Ambition is a beautiful thing, but we must ensure that in harnessing it we don't lose grasp of our own honesty. It's not to say that one shouldn't reach for the stars. But if they do, they should do it for the right reason. They should do it becuase they want to reach the stars for that sole satisfaction. Not because they can then be known as the man who reached the stars. I want to be a surgeon. Not because of the cool, fancy title...but because of what the job entails..what the work has to offer.. And I just pray I'm strong enough to accept it.

Comment <-- | -->

Current
Profile
E-mail
Notes
Pictures
D-land
Flashes of High School
Summer of Change
No Brass, No ammo
Lost in Translation

Last Five

And that's that.
Referenced #2
Referenced
To write them.
Heart vs mind.