I spent the day at the Hangar. It's Sunday, and it was a volunteer thing. My motives are a little astray of the "good intentions" notion that comes with most volunteer work, and I'm having just a few small problems with it internally.

It takes a lot to get noticed around here. It easy to make a name for yourself, but it depends on the kind of name you want. It you don't mind being a shit bag in the eyes of all else, then it's real easy. If you want to be viewed as a soldier of high quality with raised standards...you're going to have a time of it.

I've pushed myself to work hard and learn quickly. It's been working quite nicely, seeing how I'm viewed as the "only option" to do the books on the up-coming phase. There's more to it, but to put it simply, I'm the only one they want to trust with that job. And it's not just that; I've tried to volunteer my time to make sure everything gets done as it should be done. I don't mind staying late to assure that something doesn't get half-assed.

Unfortunately, I have a problem with pride. I have it. I love having it. I think it's a virtue rather than a sin in certain dosages. As a result, I naturally want to be recognized.

I see lots of soldiers getting coined and promoted for all sorts of reasons. Some of them, in my eyes, not as noteworthy as my contributions. I understand that I'm new...but so are they. I understand that they care about the unit and want things to be done correctly...so do I. I don't understand how they are receiving earned credit for their determination, but I am not.

So, I shall try harder. Recognition equals to promotion points. I like the thought of promotion much more than recognition, but if I have to have a reputation in order to acquire promotion, then fine and dandy with me, let my work speak for itself.

Unfortunately, my work can't speak loud enough. So I have to volunteer. I came in at 1100 and punched out at 1900 with five other soldiers and a warrant officer so that we could paint the company patch on 900 square feet of the hangar floor. We didn't finish, and I'll be glad to come in next weekend to help finish it. Only, I wish it was out of some noble intention rather than to acquire a steadier reputation with the powers-that-be. Perhaps out my concern for the unit, or the longevity of our mark, or to feed the homeless and bring about world peace. I care about the unit, and that's why I don't mind volunteering. That's sure as hell not why I did it, though. I did it to sign my name on the painting. To say, "I helped with this." I did it to possibly get a coin, to become known as a good soldier. I did it for selfish aims. I agree with Ayn Rand, but it's so damn hard for me to practice what she preaches.

I'm having a few too many problems with it. I know where I want to be, and I have to have a good reputation to get there. I just don't want to compromise myself on the way, otherwise it won't matter when I do arrive upon my goals.

I'm falling into confusion again. I'm not too fond of losing touch with my intentions. I'm going to work off of what I know to be right and what I truly enjoy. I can't go wrong that way. And, well, I did what was right today. For the deed and myself. I had a damn fine time of doing it, and I've helped to create something that will remain for a long time to come. Something hundreds will be able to take pride in. That's a good thing. So thank you Sir, and Wojo for letting me in on the vision. I appreciate it.

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