I'm really proud of myself. Mardi Gras is over and I didn't go to a single parade. I just didn't have the urge, desire, whatever it is that dictates the want to attend such a frenzy. That is not what I'm proud about, though. Originally, it was planned that I'd meet up with Mimi and get toasted with her. I, personally, was intending to get so toasted that to ask me my name would be too complicated for me to understand. So drunk, in fact, that I would spew my guts out from alcohol poisoning. Even that time I drank the equivalent of a 24 pack I didn't puke..didn't even come close.

I'm really pleased that I didn't break another one of my promises to myself. In all, I've only broken one promise to myself over the course of this whole...separation business. I'm really happy about that because I thought it was going to be a whole lot harder. That's not to say that this isn't difficult, but it's endurable fine enough.

As for this whole separation business. I've recently realized, or maybe finally gave in and admitted, that I no longer miss her. I think about her constantly. I roll over in my bed and I don't have to actually see it, I know its there. The mural, the paint scratchings. The bed alone makes me think of her. I sign online and I think of her..the first thing I usually do is check her diary to see if she wrote anything new. I don't miss her, though.

What I have discovered that it really is, is that it's a habit. I'm so used to her being in my life and thinking about her so nonstop that there isn't a single thought that doesn't incorporate her somehow. And when you're in a relationship, there's nothing wrong with that. However, once your out of said relationship it becomes a HUGE problem for you. What would have been a scrapped knee becomes a nearly fatal wound. In some cases, it is fatal.

I'm over the pain now. It doesn't hurt. It doesn't tickle. It's just not there, which I'm glad about. I still think about her nonstop, perhaps in some ways that I shouldn't, but before I know what exactly is going through my mind I'm already lingering on it and pondering it from multiple angles. It's strange, to say the least, but it's just the way things have decided to work out.

Onto that broken promise, I posted an entry about it and had a poem listed by every entry for a while concerning it. I cut a rose into my arm. It was such a good idea at the time and I can still see the sense in it. I don't regret the tribute, I don't regret the broken promise. I regret that I was so careless and let her discover it. Oh well, though, huh? Just like a tattoo-except it's not as permanent as one would think.

Well, onto something that is truly baffling. I got my Playstation magazine yesterday and it's the April issue. See, when you sign on to a subscription most magazines will send you an early copy because you're all preferred and stuff. I like it fine enough, because now I actually get to go down to Panama City and enjoy Playstation's presence during March. At any rate, none of this is baffling, but rather just lame...boring...and stupid. Which is exactly what I thought "Frequency" was.

"Frequency" is a Playstation 2 game that I used to knock, knowing absolutely nothing about it. I still don't really know anything, but in the magazine, you get a demo disc. Now, to be completely honest, I was overly underwhelmed by the selection they chose for April's issue. Needless to say, I wasn't even going to try it out. Well, not anytime soon anyway.

See, they hyped me up by stating that next month's [May's] issue will have the demo for the much anticipated "Splinter Cell" for the PS2....and all they had for this issue was "ATV Offroad Fury 2", some shard of the latest wrestling game, a "Frogger" wannabe..some other joke stuff, and "Amplitude." You can easily understand my disappointment, then? I thought so. Well, the discs usually contain some other pretty cool stuff and I like seeing how they set up the whole format for the overall presentation (Once they had it underwater with sharks, tropical fish..stuff like that. A cool screen saver...I wish the PS2 could download cool screen savers like that so you wouldn't be bored to death when you play CD's on it...). I just find stuff like that pretty cool, so I decided, as I crawled into bed, that I'd give it a shot. The extra stuff was pretty damn cool, and well.. to be quite honest.. the overall presentation was GORGEOUS. Not like the fish, but it was all high-tech looking or something..I can't describe it..it's incredibly simple but flawless (While I'm on that issue of flaw... I hate how when you finally accept to play a demo it cuts straight to the first movie every....................single....................time). And, after looking through everything else-and I do mean everything else..even the full roll of the credits-I decided I'd take a glimpse into the area where the games are.

First, it cut straight into the first video, as it so annoyingly always does (I hate that, I'm the damn master of game, therefore I, and I alone, should be the GOD that decides what happens and when). The videos where all worth their while, though. Then...I was left with a predicament. I was bored and knew that sleep was out of the question but I didn't want to watch anything again, nor did I want to actually play any of those lame games. But, being the kind, gentle soul that I am, I decided I'd give them a chance. Fastforwarding the game I knew the least about, I selected it and began..

"Amplitude" was my choice and damn am I glad that I chose it! Sure there may only be two songs on the demo-four difficulty levels to play them with-but that didn't stop me from playing it for around 3 hours straight! Which had its annoying parts, like when the demo disc reset due to its stupid time defunct-I want to play the damn game so let me play! Well, anyway, I finally have a deep sense of funk and rhythm. I should go dancing and try it out...

See, what happened was the controller started bumpin' with the vibration-great game just because of that...especially for the women, that'd be two purchases in one for them...and a fun way to go at it! Then I had to press these buttons at just the right time so that the notes would actually play.. That was mondo cool, because once you annihilate the track, it's done for that brief section and you can move on to vocals or guitar or whatnot. Amazingly wondrous, I'm tellin' ya! "Cherry Lips" from Garbage was awesome as hell.."Baseline" had this one part where the vocals had lots of pretty static.. Anyway, now I'm probably going to buy "Frequency" as well as "Amplitude" (Get it, FM, AM?) and maybe even try to get online with it once I can handle insane-brutal was WAY too harsh for me.

Anyway, this is exactly why I got the subscription. So that I could see how enjoyable a game is before I actually buy it, and so that I could be opened up to new types of games that normally don't incite the slightest bit of interest. I think I'm going to try those other demos, but I don't think they'll be half as awesome as "Amplitude."

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