I just stared at myself in the mirror for a little while. I used to do it all the damn time and somewhere between then and now, I stopped liking the reflection staring back at me. I still don't like the face staring back at me and I'm not proud of the body I've put effort into and I know I could be so much more if only I just put forth a little effort, you know?

Staring at myself made me realize, though, that I still have yet to do something that I've always wanted to do. Shave my head. My skull is one of those huge peanut shapes and so short hair is hardly flattering on me. But who is looking? Who honestly cares what I look like? I can't think of a single person who really cares if I am "attractive" or not, not even myself. I'm going to shave it down to a mohawk first. I've always wanted one but there's always been a reason to not go for it. Now, I have no reasons and no concern either way...and my school has problems with "strange" hair fashion, but I'll tell them to fuck off and leave my personal rights alone before I press charges or something. It's not hard to get affiliations or institutions to back off when you threaten to bring them to court. If I like it, I'll keep it.

I got tan again by walking home in the sun. It's nice, I suppose. But anyway, I'm going to the beach tomorrow. I'll probably head down to Gulf Shores before dawn and stay there till Monday morning. Then, I'll go to school and maybe return. I'll let my mood decide. I realize that I really need some honest alone time. I don't want anyone around me for the next month so don't be surprised if I'm a little irritable and end up in some more than unpleasant scenarios.

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And that's that.
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To write them.
Heart vs mind.