There is love that still lives in me for flames long since snuffed. I never forget the burn, I never forget the warmth. It stays with me as solace on the dark nights where I lay alone in bed tossing and turning in hopes that the next shift will have someone by my side. But there's only a blank white wall and a two foot fall.

My lifestyle is one of constant change. Change of mood. Change of pace. Change of place. To ask someone to accept this, is to ask them to put so much in the backseat. And still, for a long period of time I'll be without them, and them without me. Some people can, but I simply cannot ask someone to do that for me.

She wants me. She wants me back and to give me the dream of love that I dream every night. She wants to make me happy and to be happy herself. And as great as it all is, it's too much to drag love through. The sand of the desert is fine. Leave a ziploc bag sealed for a week, and by that seventh day, there will be sand inside of it. Leave a love behind for just a brief tour, and sand, too, will get inside of it. It'll make it course.

I still love you. And for that, I'll not let myself, of all people-if even by my absence alone-hurt you as much as my love will. Find your happiness, for it doesn't rest in me. And I shall curl beneath the sheets and hold my pillow close.

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Heart vs mind.